I love Autumn, it is by far my favourite season of the year and like some kind of seasonal bloodhound with the first whiff of autumn in the air I feel my shoulders relax. I am not a summer person. Summer is always a time when I am most stressed about the business and everything feels hard. Hardest of all is watching everyone else have a “lovely summer” I think. This summer quarter has been the hardest for Lil’s Parlour since I started trading in 2015, it has not only been hard on my body with surgery and a plethora of problems with my boring but ever present fibromyalgia it’s also been really hard on my mind and finances. The Crowdfunder was AMAZING and my integration as a CIC and starting the pay as you can campaign instore has been mind-blowingly amazing but it has also been exhausting and has taken a real emotional toll on me as a human as well as Director of a CIC.I am struggling. There, I said it.
From the outside looking in I must seem like a RIGHT MOANER saying things are tough right now. How can they be? Viral videos, media exposure, a brand new lovely van courtesy of amazing donations and the cherry on the cake an actual LEGEND wearing one of my tees on the telly (which I knew nothing about - thanks to all those snake eyes that sent me the pics!!) . All these things are true and are indeed amazing but they have also taken a really big emotional toll on me. The really important word here is ME, not because I am a self centred, narcissist but because at the heart of what I do is ME, just me. I don’t have a team of people, I don’t have “media training” I don’t have staff who bake or do my social media, post things out or even clean the loo - that’s all me. In the past when I have been feeling like this I have battled through and I am guilty of doing that again over the last few weeks, the massive cold sores, the cold takeaway left overs, the headaches, hair loss, piles of washing, cleaning and life admin piling up at home, poor sleep… it all started and as usual I tried to ignore it. I actually decided it was probably because I was so worried by the doom and gloom on the news and feeling the pressure of steering Lil’s Parlour through rough waters ahead. I have also developed a really weird fear of looking like I am having any fun or spending money because you know it should be going towards good stuff. It’s a really weird kind of pressure I have never felt before.
This morning I couldn’t stop crying, I had another call off a journalist asking for my time and a photo shoot when I look like I haven’t slept in a month, piles of emails to answer, remembered I hadn’t ordered ice cream for this week and couldn’t even find clean underwear as my personal “life admin” is in chaos. When I dragged myself into the shop the fuse had gone in the oven and that was the straw that broke my back. I 100% need to reset myself and this time I am not ignoring the call.
For that reason the shop will be closed on 16th and 17th of September and will reopen on Friday 23rd. As usual I have had the usual fears about letting people down, seeming flaky, “closed AGAIN” Can I afford to do this? No, of course not … but can I afford NOT to for my own wellbeing .. ABSOLUTELY. I’ll be open this weekend, I’ve already started prep and I love seeing all your faces. Taking this time to reset will allow me to do all the stuff on my overwhelming to-do list, get out more rewards, plan the pop party and get a postal box ready that is so in demand but I haven’t had to time to plan anything. It will also give me a small week of breathing space before I crash all guns blazing into fairy lights season, which lets face it is the best of all! Santa will be here before we know it (runs and hides).
Lucy x